Household of Part-timers

Because of inability to leave our child in daycare, we decided to cut back my husband's work time so we can take turns taking care of our baby. It happened just last month when my mother who usually baby sat for us 2 days a week (or more at times) went back to the Philippines.

Okay, my mother is only gone for 6 weeks but we did not like any alternative childcare options we currently have while waiting for her to come back. Everyone tried to assist us in finding solution. My boss. Co-workers. I even visited a daycare closed to our home. But we just cannot do it.

I could have quit my job and be a full-time mother. The reality is we make more money with our combine part-time incomes than with his lone full-time income. I make more money than my husband. He could have quit and be a full-time parent. But my work is demanding of time. For my sanity's sake (and every one's), I could only take part-time of my job for now.

So, we decided that we will take turns taking care of Benji. It is scary because this is out of the norm. We are far from rich. Our future chance to return to full-time employment is questionable as newer graduates are readily available to fill the void.

Many people don't understand why we're kind of over-protective. My husband and I have different but very significant reasons. His reason is that we'd been through hell and back to have this baby. That made it more difficult for him to let go. Mine is sadder than his -- child abuse. I was abused by a trusted caretaker. I am aware that day cares screen their staff and history of child abuse in daycare is probably nil or really small. But I am paranoid.

I know someday we have to let go. We're aware that we cannot sustain a comfortable lifestyle if we continue this path. We talked about waiting until the baby can talk or when he starts school. It will come eventually. For now, though, we are at peace with this set up.

Mix

I should not be here blogging because we are so busy preparing for our road trip to Connecticut to visit my sister and her family this coming Thursday, but this is a release for me.

Oh yeah, we also plan to go to NYC. It's been 10 years this month the last time we were in NYC. It was April 2000 -- we were not married yet and the Twin Towers were still standing. How things change! In any case, I am very excited. The drive, according to Google map, should be about 19 hours. It will be longer than that for us because of the baby. We have to stop frequently for feeding and diaper change. Outside of Cleveland, Ohio is our planned overnight stay. We hope to make it in Cleveland before midnight.

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We have new neighbors. I think there are 2 families who moved in that house next door. One couple is older; the other ones younger with a baby. We met them briefly one day last week. Benji was fussy that time. The older man talked to me but I cannot hear him that well. I thought he asked me when we had Benji, so, I told him November. I excused myself after that because Benji decided to cry louder. Jason took over in conversing with them. Before I left to go inside our house, the younger woman invited us to her baby's first birthday which was last Saturday.

I worked last Saturday. When I came home, I told Jason that I cannot go because of computer work. Jason was torn if he wants to go or not. Anyway, because we wanted to be friendly with our new neighbors, he decided to stopped by briefly with Benji. Upon return, my husband told me what happened there.

Our older lady neighbor introduced him and Benji as "This is our neighbor with his adopted son." Jason was stunned by this. Was it an assumption? Perhaps. Nevertheless, it was, according to Jason, very awkward. He doesn't know what to say after that. The thing is he was introduced to a crowd. He said "If it was just one person, I could easily correct her!" He eventually told her the "fact" in private. So, if we don't get any invitation next time, we know the reason. Ha ha ha!

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My mother and I with Benji went to the Filipino Store in the South side of Des Moines. We were the only customers that time. The owner who is very friendly approached us to look at the baby. She said the baby is cute and asked me if the father is Chinese. I said no, he's an American. She quickly said after I told her that she can see it now after looking at the baby's nose because it is not pug.

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Poor Benji. There will be more situations similar to these for him because he's a mixed race. It's not that bad. Really.

Short for time

My life has been so hectic lately. I started work again. I have the old job back but I only work 2 weekends a month. Okay, my boss wants me to help out more because they are so busy lately as one therapist transferred to a teaching job and one in maternity leave. My husband and I have had no off day together in a while. So, the housework piles up. My baby recently decided that he would not nap unless he is on a lap or leaning on some one's shoulder. When he's awake he wants a human within his visual field at all times.

Right now, I have exactly 17 minutes before I need to pump milk and I tell you it is such a luxury to be able to write in this blog again. Earlier this week I had so much ideas on what to blog but I cannot think of any right now except the present.

I am thinking that I am such a lucky girl; that I never been so happy in my life. Yeah, I have less money and time but having a baby who depends on me for his existence and in return, paying with me with his giggles and trust is priceless.



The red dot on his right eyebrow was his first bump.

Motherhood after Infertility

The strange thing about motherhood after infertility is that when strangers asked how many kids I have, I automatically say "none". It is still strange to tell people I have a son; that I gave birth four months ago. It is just like living in a dream. It feels too good to be true.

Returning to work after almost a year of absence is not what I expected. People are really happy to have me back. Also, co-workers who co-existed with me are suddenly social and interested on what's going on in my life. Mainly, they are interested about the baby and how I'm coping. We finally have something in common. Business phone calls are extended with conversations of lactation and childcare. I must admit I like it and find it fascinating.

I don't have (yet) the heart to leave my son in a daycare, even if it is part of the hospital where we work. We admit that we tend to be over protective because of our infertility. We know that we have to let go someday. For now though, we feel that the best place for our baby is right here at home with at least one parent at all times. Retirement savings will be cut this year. Home remodeling and international travels will wait for few or several more years. There will be no new furnitures and gadgets. For now, our focus is giving our son the best childhood that we could afford.

Not content

I woke up this morning from dreaming that we were having our bathroom remodeled. I was amazed to wake up before the baby and I cannot go back to sleep. My thought went from my very realistic dream to realizing how dingy our kitchen is. I made a mental note on how we can improve the look and efficiency of it. But reality hits, we do not have the money and I don't want to take a loan for house remodeling -- at least not until I return to full-time job. Then, this afternoon, I watched the New Yankee Workshop. In that episode, Norm was finishing the cabinetry of a remodeled kitchen. It made me unhappy again with my kitchen.


I've been telling people that Benji will be my only child. I gave several reasons from financial to health reason. But deep inside, I desire for another child. I waver a lot on this issue. I know that if I want to have a second one, we have to act soon because of my fertility issue. I noticed that I bring this topic everyday to my husband in the last few weeks. We discussed the pros and cons. Financially, there are more cons. We would like to travel abroad someday and help Benji in his college education. These will be difficult if we have 2 children. But why do I have this nagging desire to have another child?



Anyway, to keep my mind from discontent I decided to learn how to make movie using my Flip Video Camera This is my 1st Benji Movie:

My Breastfeeding Story (outlined)

Why I have difficulty with breastfeeding?

1. I did not read enough about this topic during my pregnancy.
2. I should have had contacted the local La Leche League.
3. I should have listened to other people to attend more classes about it. I attended just 1 short class and it was very basic.
4. I had Gestational Diabetes and my baby had borderline low blood sugar at birth. He was given 4 oz of formula to bring up his sugar.
5. I assumed that my baby will have nipple confusion because of number 4. Most literature said "no" to formula supplementation due to nipple confusion. I was discouraged early on that I will be able to breastfeed.
6. I sent my baby to nursery at night during our hospital stay so I could recover from my surgery. Most literature recommends to room-in so I could nurse the baby more often to stimulate milk production. But I was in pain, highly medicated and exhausted that I gave in to my husband's plea to send him to the nursery.
7. After colostrum which my baby was able to take, I did not have a drop of milk for about 7 days. So, I formula feed. I cannot stand a hungry baby.
8. After that, I had a very low milk supply. I was pumping and pumping since hospital stay. Initially, there was none. It slowly crept up but I continue to supplement because of the baby's voracious appetite and my supply was way low for it.
9. Because of that I lost all confidence that my body could supply my baby's need. I continue to pump, though.
10. Now, my baby lost his patience in suckling into my breast and prefers the easier silicon nipple.
11. It was a busy week for maternal ward when I gave birth and lactation specialists did not really give too much attention to me. (That's how I felt)
13. I gave up so easily on SNS feeding because of too much work.


I was about to give up but I persevere to increase my milk production. This could possibly be my only baby and I would like to do my best, at least for couple of mos, to give him breast milk. What did I do?

1. Follow the lactation specialist's recommendation of pumping at ;east every 2 hours or after feeding for 15 to 20 minutes using hospital-grade pump.
2. Also from my lactation specialist - eat more oatmeal, dates, brown rice, and green leafy vegetables.
3. Take supplementation of fenugreek capsules.
4. I took prescription medication, Reglan, to stimulate my brain production of prolactin. This made me so sleepy. So, I just took it for 1 cycle.
5. Slowly familiarizing my baby to my breast again.

Where am I now?

My baby is about 99 to 100 percent breast milk fed. He continues to get most of it through the bottle. I continue to pump every 2 to 3 hours. I don't pump at night anymore. I just have him latched to my breast in the middle of the night. I continue to be paranoid that my baby is not getting enough milk when directly latched and I tend to offer formula when he's fussy after breastfeeding. Pumping is getting more difficult because he demands more attention now and I am tired of washing the small parts along with baby bottle parts (I am using Dr. Brown's) every couple of hours. My hands are dry, cracked and sore from frequent hand and baby stuff washing.

I take it one day at a time. As long as there is milk in my breasts, I will offer it to my baby. My initial goal before I gave birth was to breastfeed for 1 year. Now, I'll be happy if I could do it for 3 mos.