39th week

Throughout my pregnancy (so far), I complained and I bitched (sorry for my French) about every little things. Well, this week I entered a new level of pregnancy experience -- false labor. It started Friday but it was not that bad. By Saturday evening, the pain or soreness in my lower abdomen at times becomes unbearable. It progressed to the sides and upper part of my uterus, but no back pain. Getting up from chair and walking become dreaded chores. My husband does not want me using the stair when he's not home for fear of a fall. I did not want to call the OB-Gyn last weekend because the baby is moving just fine (and I do not want to end up to the emergency department again). I called a friend then my sister to ask them on their labor experiences. Both have different experiences than mine. The pain and contraction dissipate with positional changes. I was able to have a goodnight sleep, believe it or not, that Saturday night possibly due to exhaustion from soreness, overflowing toilet and worrying. I talked to the nurse this morning and she said that I am having false labor and unfortunately could go on for days....No one told me that false labor can be this painful . I cannot wait for the L & D day....

Upadate: Baby boy is about 8.5 lbs as of last Wed.
To pass time: I am listening to chick flick Summer Affair (hope it's good) , reading Oprah magazine, and catching up with This American Life podcast.

Mommy's letter

I am now in my 38th week of pregnancy. It will not be long and you will be out of my tummy. I am excited to see you. I have been waiting for you for a long time. You are my miracle baby. Pregnancy has not been easy due to my history of multiple pregnancy losses. Initially, I tried not to get attached to my pregnancy to protect myself from pain. The first trimester of my pregnancy was really tough due to my bad morning sickness but I treasured those nausea and vomiting because I knew that the sicker I get the healthier you become. As my belly grows, the more confident I get that you will make it. We waited to buy clothes and gears because of the lingering fear. It even took us a while to get the bassinet and stroller out of the box. Those movements of yours are re-assuring me and your daddy that you are okay. As the weeks go by, the more excited we get.

Now, I am starting to enjoy my pregnancy. Your daddy, Jason, is also very excited. I can sense it in the way he talks to you inside my belly. You are starting to respond to his voice by kicks and jabs. It is such a good feeling to feel you move, baby.

We just installed your car seat. I think we are ready for your arrival. All the baby clothes and diapers are washed. The bags are packed. The carpet in the house are shampooed. The only thing I need to work out, I think, is my own heart and mind. I would like to be a good mom. I promise to protect and love you, baby. Yet, I have this issue I need to work through -- that's forgiveness. I need to forgive myself and my parents. It is hard to come. I think it is the hormone causing this dark emotion of overwhelming anger. The more I demand an apology, the more elusive it comes by. I just have this epiphany that I should give this forgiveness no matter what, so, I can be freed from this dark emotion. That way I can give my love to you uncontaminated by this darkness. I would like to be the happy mom, baby.

I promise to do my best to prepare you for this world. It is not easy but I think it would be an adventure. I thank God for choosing us to be your parents. There are many things for us to learn and literature to read about child rearing. It is overwhelming at times but I know it is worth it, so, you will grow up happy and well-adjusted. We are excitedly waiting for the new chapter of our life -- together.


Mommy

37th week (Baby Shower)

I'm so touched by people who tirelessly support me through this pregnancy. My former co-workers from Mercy (yes, I'm officially jobless since middle of September) had planned this get together in a restaurant located in our town. I, honestly, expected fewer turn out because most people live on the west side of Des Moines (we're on the east side) and it was Sunday evening when most working people would like to unwind. I was pleasantly surprised to see more (than expected) familiar faces I haven't seen for months. Everyone is just rooting for me and my baby.









My Mercy family

Hubby and I

35th week.

it's sunday.

yesterday, emergency hospital visit.

another bout of spotting.

found to have contraction. was given terbutaline and iv fluids.

poked several times. lost of modesty.

otherwise, everything is fine.

(not so) Quick look of our Fertility History

• July 1999 - Met and started dating.


• June 2000 - Got married and decided to wait few years to have children. Started using birth control.


• August 20002 - moved to Dallas, TX


• January 2004 - Returned to Iowa.


• November 2004 - Bought a new house.


• Summer of 2005 - started to try making a baby.


• Fall of 2005 - unsuccessful. Went to OB-Gyn for consultation. Suspicion of PCOS given due to irregular menstruation. Had blood tests for hormones. Everything normal. Recommended to start Prenatal vitamins and Clomid. Did not pursue Clomid. Loraine continues to work 2 jobs. Halted plan to have baby for next year as both thinking of job change. Started birth control again.


• Dec. 31, 2005 - Loraine experienced bad menstrual cramping. Jason went to store for Midol. No relief. Drove to ER but miraculously got better once we arrived in the hospital. We sat in the lobby for an hour just in case cramping comes back. It did not, so, we returned home. Upon returning home, Loraine noticed a glob of tissue in her pad. Did not think of it as anything of significance and flushed it in the toilet. This is our first miscarriage.


• Summer of 2006, we tried on and off again. August 2006, Loraine had a new job in home care and decided to hold off having baby until next year.


• Sept 2006 - Found out I was pregnant. Not very happy initially due to new job but accepted it eventually. Went to San Francisco for planned vacation. Miscarried 2nd day of our 4 day planned vacation. Passed the tissue in ER. Stayed in the motel near the airport for the rest of our SFO getaway. We were both depressed and felt guilty. Returned home. Broke the news of miscarriage to people whom we shared our pregnancy news. OB-Gyn said, "At least you know you can get pregnant." This is our 2nd miscarriage.


• January 2007 - We tried again.


• End of February 2007 - Found we were expecting again. Very happy. Loraine with morning sickness.


• March 2007 - First prenatal visit. Everything was going fine. Heard heartbeat at 8 weeks. We were elated.


• April 2007 - first ultrasound. Baby was moving but about a week smaller for gestational age. No concern from the doctor. Very busy at work. Had several heavy lift patients but doctor did not give me any lifting restriction, so, business as usual.


• May 2007 - Loraine was feeling better. Very busy at work. Had 16th week prenatal visit. Unable to locate fetal heartbeat through Doppler. Doctor decided to give me another Ultrasound, unable to locate any heartbeat even with US. Baby stopped growing at 12 weeks and 3 days. We were devastated. Next day had D&C. This is our 3rd miscarriage and we are not the same since.


• June 2007 - Had several blood tests again to figure out what causing multiple miscarriages. Everything normal . Very frustrating.


• September 2007 - returned to doctor as Loraine missed 3 mos. cycles. Negative pregnancy test. Doctor suspected increased stress due to Loraine's father just moved in with us from the Philippines. Prescribed oral progesterone (which she did not take) to start menstruation. Had blood tests again for hormone level. Everything normal (again). Used natural topical progesterone from health store instead of synthetic prescription one. It was successful in inducing menstruation.


• October 2007 - started using herbal supplements to enhanced fertility. Started phasing out sources of toxic chemicals at home. Loraine started using topical natural progesterone to normalize cycle. She did not know that it also inhibited her ovulation as she was using it as what was written in the direction - apply twice daily at 14th day of cycle. She does not ovulate until the 16th (sometimes 17th day) day cycle. RE said that if you used it before ovulation, you will not ovulate.


• October 2007 to April 2008 - we tried to get pregnant but unsuccessful.


• April 2008 - we decided to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Was given several blood tests according to cycle day. Had ultrasound of the ovaries. HSG to see if tubes are open and not scarred. Everything is normal and functioning well. Very frustrating. He prescribed Clomid. Instructed Loraine to stop progesterone and herbal supplements. Started Clomid.
• May 2008 - Found a schoolmate in Friendster and she read in my blog about my fertility issues. She recommended the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Started taking basal temperature. Clomid seemed to normalize mentrual cycle.
• August 2008 - Found to be pregnant. Went ahead for our planned vacation to Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado per RE's approval. Beta level seemed to be doubling every 48 hours. Loraine had some bouts of abdominal cramping. Discussed to RE possible need for progesterone supplement. Was told by RE that progesterone level normal and did not need it. Had US at around 6 weeks of pregnancy. Everything was fine.
• September 2008 - At 8 weeks of pregnancy, returned for another US. No heartbeat found. Devastated. After a week, Loraine had another D&C. Chromosomal testing for Jason, Loraine and baby done. Jason and Loraine are normal. Baby found to have trisomy 16. This is our 4th miscarriage.
• October 2008 - Returned to RE. Okayed to start trying again. Prescribed Clomid again. This time he added Metformin and with Loraine's request progesterone suppository to be applied after ovulation.
• November 2008 - Stopped Metformin as it caused bad gastrointestinal side-effects (diarrhea and nausea).
• December 2008 - Stopped Clomid as Loraine read that it can cause increased miscarriage and dries up good cervical fluid. Loraine very busy at wok. Travelled in the middle of snow storm more than 100 miles to help out another facility couple of times. Missed period this month but negative pregnancy test.
• January 2009 - Resumed Clomid. Normal cycle but work very stressful. Had 2 car accidents. Loraine's father moved out to his own apartment. Called RE to discuss next step - possible IUI or IVF. Earliest appointment that can be given was March 1st.
• February 2009 - Stopped Clomid. Started Metformin again to normalize hormone. Continues with basal temp monitoring and progesterone suppository. Ovulated at 16th day cycle.
• March 1st 2009 - First day of missed period. Had appointment with RE. Pregnancy test that morning. Came out positive. RE notified. Beta level elevated. Returned after 48 hours and it more than doubled. Continued with Metformin and progesterone suppository. Called regular OB-Gyn. RE would like to do US but we decided to just hold-off for our regular OB-Gyn. RE office not happy.

Loraine continued to take Metformin up to 10 weeks of pregnancy and progesterone suppository at 12th week. We'll see the end of this story.

33rd week

I planned to post the most recent ultrasound but due to my bulging belly, unsteady knees and hips as well as low location of our scanner, I would not dare it.

Anyway, baby is now 6 lb weight. Everything is within normal limit said the doctor. Although, I have a high normal amount of amniotic fluid possibly due to my GD. I have to be more consistent with my blood sugar level she told me. I, now, have to see doctor every week.

Anyhow, I was worried that the umbilical cord is around baby's neck. The ultrasonographer kindly checked on that and she reported that no cord around neck was found. We saw his face and he is definitely getting chubbier. He pouted his lips when being prodded to move so his head circumference can be measured.

Well, we still have some things to do and some decisions to make.

1. We need to look for a pediatrician.
2. Still wavering on Circumcision idea. We asked our doctor about it and she said that in developed country there is no medical need for it. It is mostly social reason. So, we might pass on circumcision. No additional trauma needed.
3. We have t0 wash couple more times our pre-fold diapers. Yes, we decided to use cloth diapers due to environmental, monetary and health reasons. We still bought "more earth friendly" disposables in case of emergency or when going out. Initially, I was overwhelmed by the options when it comes to cloth diapering. We came a long way from just a "lampin" (flat diaper) and pins. Now there are so many options for pre-folds materials (chinese vs. indian cotton. vs bird's eye), diaper covers (PUL, fleece, wool), pocket or all-in-one. We decided on combination of pre-folds (indian cotton), PUL cover (cheaper), and all-in-one's. We'll see what works better.
4. I need to find alternative shift for my job. We decided not to place baby in daycare for a while but my husband and I need to find ways to do it. I'm supposed to go back on Dec. 22. I am already dreading the idea of leaving him. Good luck to us.
5. I need to read the manual for the breast pump.
6. We need to attend a birthing class.
7. Review infant CPR. It is always confusing as they change protocols every couple of years.

That's all I can remember for now. For sure something will come up. So much things to learn.

32 weeks Update

They said that after the 1st trimester the success of pregnancy jumped to 90 percent. But there's that 10 percent chance something wrong could happen. I am fixated at that 10 percent chance. Anyway, as my pregnancy progresses and the more I feel the baby moves, the more confident I get. So far, we bought some big ticket items such as co-sleeper bassinet and travel system (stroller with infant car seat). I still don't have the heart to get them out of the box, though. And every time I buy something for the baby, I check their return policy. Okay, I still have 8 weeks to go, so the return policy needs to be within 90 days. Oh, it is driving me crazy. I am just glad that we got lots of clothes from garage sales, my sister and recently from a good friend who (thankfully) also loaned me her breast pump which could cost 300 dollars. I also find myself more motivated to do baby shopping when baby is active. Yes, my shopping mood depends on kicks and nudges from this little human being.

Anyway, right now, it seems like pregnancy is just doing wonderfully. I'm still obsessed on baby's movements as my baby is unpredictable and most of the time changes his schedule when to be active. We will have another ultrasound next week to find out how big and heavy the baby due to my gestational diabetes. My concern now is that I have not really gained weight for about 5 weeks now probably due to change in diet. I expressed that concern to the doctor and she said it happens once a woman starts eating better after diagnosis of gestational diabetes. However, I already gained total of 20 lbs since the onset of pregnancy (most of it was gained the 1st half of pregnancy). Not bad considering I"m at the overweight side of the scale.

For now we still have some decisions to make. The biggest thing is regarding circumcision. It will be for the next posting.