He Knows His Dr Seuss

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a son about his father

This documentary has been sitting in my Netflix queue for couple of months now. Last night, I decided to watch it. Alone. It just grabbed my heart from the very beginning, and it did not let go way after it ended. I am a person who cannot wait what will happen. So, I googled the movie and found out how it ends while watching it. I was so heartbroken when I found out what happened that I did not finish it. I ran upstairs, in our bedroom, and cried my way to sleep.

This is the saddest and rawest movie I've ever seen. One of the reviews stated that it is not for the weak of heart. The writer was not kidding. I eventually finished the movie with my husband. It made him cry, too.

I have some tips before watching this movie:
1. Have a box, or 2, of Kleenex.
2. It is better not to know the end of this movie.
3. It is better to watch this with someone. So, someone can relate to your sadness afterwards.

Anyway, it is not all bad. (I mean "bad" emotion like non-stop crying, feeling heartbroken, etc. This is actually a very good documentary. There were many hours of research and editing here. Kurt Keunne will be in my short list to follow from now on) It is tragic but in every tragedy there is redemption. I think I found redemption at the end. Despite the evil things that happened, love and goodness prevail. No matter what, life goes on with a purpose. It also made me realized how lucky I am to have my baby. I promised to be more patient and more attentive to him. I will never take him for granted, ever...

I will give a short synopsis: This is a documentary made by Kurt Keunne in memory of his friend Dr. Andrew Bagby who was killed violently. The suspected killer was his ex-girlfriend Shirley Turner who went back home to Canada when police begun questioning her about the murder. What complicated things was Turner got pregnant with Andrew's son at that time. She named the son, Zachary. Originally, this documentary was for Zachary to know his father. Then, it turned out to cover the custody battle between Turner and Bagby's parents, David and Kate.

This is a big time heartbreaker but thumbs up...

Not all who wander are lost.

j.r.r. tolkien

New Year, New Adventure

It's a late posting. Everyone has been busy lately. My whole family, including myself, was sick for 2 whole weeks right before Christmas. It's not quite done yet. My mother will undergo an outpatient surgery tomorrow. It's another story.

Anyway, I am really thankful for the New Year. I am glad to be given another chance. And we planned so many things this year.

The big thing is to start a big vegetable garden and an orchard. Last summer, we bought an 11.5 acre land. It was a big financial risk for us. But we dream of this for several years since our brief Dallas stint where we found out how exhausting and unsatisfying our urban/suburban lives can be. Upon returning to Iowa in early 2004, we looked at few acreages for a home. Most of these acreages were way beyond our price point. Those few "affordable" ones were either requiring too much work/money to be livable or too far away from paved road which is very critical for us considering we live in a snow country and we plan to keep our city jobs to pay for the mortgage. Driving 10 miles of unpaved road during winter will be dangerous and just not practical. The dream of owning an acreage was set aside for a while but not forgotten.

In the fall of 2004, we decided to settle in a nice comfortable house in town with manicured lawn and small backyard. It was what we need. We decided that we can still do our gardening in the backyard. We built raised beds for vegetables. We planted grapevines, strawberries and a dwarf apple tree. We have some successes and failures in our suburban homesteading. We learned a lot.

Last summer, the land dream came true. We found the perfect parcel through Craig's list. We were both scared and excited. In the end, we decided to jumped in and realized this darn nagging desire. Here we are -- broke but happy land owners.

My wish this year is to continue with blogging, chronicling our small farming experience. Wish me luck!

P.S. Many people including family members think we are crazy but I agree with Howard Hughes when he said "Passion will make you crazy but is there any other way to live?"

37th Year

This picture was taken 36 years ago. It was my first birthday.

My weekend was busy due to work. The blizzard made working in homecare one of the most dangerous jobs in America. I did not sleep until the wee hour of the morning because of paperwork, chores and baby crying in the middle of the night. Though lack of sleep, I was pleasantly surprised that I am not tired at all this morning. Thanks to the Monday morning adrenaline rush! With all these unusual morning energy, I decided to check my e-mail, my mailbox was full of Facebook notifications telling me of my long lost friends writing their greetings and wishes. I am touched by these unexpected outpourings.

It is taking me a while to realize that what makes LIFE worth living is good relationship with people you care about. I hear it a lot. I know it intellectually. But I am yet to learn to practice it. When things get rough, I easily fall into despair. I cannot help it at times. I am a weak person. It is in my genes.

My life is full of uncertainties right now. Sometimes I wonder if I made some wrong turns along the way. That's the problem of living in a democratic place, where we have so much choices. Did I choose the wrong path? Will I be happier if I had chosen the other career path, or partner? Or should have I done things differently 10 years ago? That's the peril of living in the free world! We tend to contemplate on what could have been when things did not go as we planned it.

But hey, I am still lucky. I have an intact family which I consider happy and (thank God)functional, and a miracle baby whose birth is the highlight of my 37 years.

Look who's one!

Happy Birthday Benji!

Love,

Mommy

Just feeling down!

The result of the midterm election makes me want to lie down on the floor in a fetal position and stay there for days! I am so disappointed on people forgetting so easily what caused our current ailing...

I am not a political person and I am actually not comfortable opening up my political view. I am just depressed about the result and I want to rant. But, I am still optimistic about the future of this country. However, if Sarah Palin got elected as President, then, it will be time for me to move somewhere else... Hopefully it will not end that way. I know Americans are smarter than that, I hope.