Expectations

When I was pregnant with Benji, I had high expectations.  He'll be smart, good looking, talented, etc.  All these high expectations went to pot immediately after he was born.  It's been tough these past 3 years.  Surviving is sometimes the only goal.  Don't get me wrong Benji is adorable but he's been a difficult toddler.  Right now, the only 2 things I want him to accomplish in his life (and I'll be the happiest mother) are reading and potty training.  Yes, I am an easy-to-please mother. 

I just want to share this video from Storycorps.  I wish, someday, Benji and I will have a conversation like this.  This video makes me cry.

 

 

 

 

 

Anti-Americanism

How to respond to anti-American comment?

I have a client from a Middle East country (I don't want to be specific) that is considered friendly to the US.  My client cannot speak any English but his brother has been vocal with his opinion.  He told me that he is rooting for North Korea.  He loves Korea.  He added that if China, Korea, Vietnam and all the Arab countries will have an alliance, they could bring down the US.  He does not like the US.

I don't know how to respond to this.  I cannot even fake a smile at all.

It is a mystery for me that a person can live in a country that he hates.  He has a choice and could go back to where he came from but why stay when you hate it so much?

I feel opposite of what he feels.  I am grateful to be in this country.  It gave me opportunity to move up socially.  I feel more loyalty to my adoptive country than my country of origin.  Many Filipinos will hate me due to this admission but that's the truth.  I don't root for the Philippine delegate in Ms. Universe.  I don't really root for anyone.  My opinion is  the reason they get to top 5 in recent years is due to economic reason.  It is well known (now) that Ms. Universe is very popular in the Philippines.  When I was living in the Philippines, life stopped during the live airing of Ms. Universe.  Filipinos love beauty contest.  Since Mr. Trump took over the organization, Filipinos get top spots.  Why?  Mr. Trump is no dummy.  He knows his audience.  He knows that pleasing his audience will keep them on watching  I don't  mean that Filipino women don't deserve to be in the top spots but the recent surge to the top is suspicious.  

I digress.  And I don't know how to end this posting.  But I learned that anti-Americanism is rampant even in its own backyard.   

Late winter posting

Many things happened since my last posting....

I started a Master degree online but after 3 days I decided to withdraw because it was not as flexible as I thought it would be.   I am a college dropout now...

Benji started going to daycare 6 hours a day for four days a week.  It went better than we thought.  He cried the second day but he did well overall  considering it's his first daycare experience ever.

I still have  good days and bad days at work.  I increased my hours and almost full-time now.   I am holding on to this demanding and at times frustrating  job because I am tired of job hopping...  And I love my patients.

My husband and I are doing well right now.  I understand that marriage is not easy and we have to be patient with each other.

My mother... well lots of things happened to her too.  I'll post next time...

The most recent movie that I love is Like Crazy.  Here's the trailer...

I love it because it vividly portrays young love and how distance and time changed these lovers and in the end eroded the closeness and familiarity.  It stays with me for quite a while.  I'm a sucker for sad but realistic movies.  The lead actors are adorable.  Jennifer Lawrence who won this year Oscar's Best Actress played a supporting role here.  Okay, it reminds me of my real life romance (with my husband) without the distance and other lovers, just the drama, haha.

Anyway, I hope to post more frequently.  I am planning to enroll in English Composition class this summer to improve my writing.  Wish me luck!

Lif out of control

Too busy at work, lately...
Dispute with my mother....
Marriage is just spiraling down out of control...
Mother-in-law and I had big political debate that did not end so well...Why didn't  I just let go?
I would like to just jump on a plane and just start a new life... but my life is just rooted too deeply here..
Oh well, everything will be fine...hopefully soon....

Do not let  the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.  Dalai Lama

39

I turned 39 years old last Thursday  I was planning to celebrate it with a good steak but instead I had my first ever bought sushi.  Okay, not actually sushi with raw fish but with imitation crab instead.  They call it california rolls.   I still think it's an improvement in my part.  I am so proud of myself because I did not gag on the fishy taste of nori.  I hate fishy taste and smell. However, I admire non-Japanese sushi eaters.  I see them as sophisticated and worldly.  I'll work on the raw fish before I turned 50,  I promised myself.   I would like to vary my diet and train my taste bud.

My goal is to be more active physically and socially.  I am shaken by the mass shooting in an elementary school in Connecticut that happened last Friday.  I, initially,  thought of my niece because my sister and her family live in Connecticut and there are not  many towns in that State.  I called my sister immediately upon hearing the news and she told me it was a town nearby.  My sister is upset.  This tragedy happened too close to her home.  I bet everyone is shaken when very young children were slaughtered in the very place that you think they were safe.  The sad part is it happened too many times in this country.  I cannot sit and watch anymore.  I am planning to get involve with this issue -- Gun Control.  I am considering homeschooling or moving back to the Philippines once Benji starts school if nothing changes... 

Party pooper

I tell people that I am a better visitor than host.  I say that to be funny but it is not a joke. 
I think the reason is that I have so much anxiety of trying to be the perfect host which is an unatainable quest.     It is rooted from my childhood.  My mother is very critical on people.  When we visit relatives or friends, she usually criticizes their housekeeping skills.  So, I thought growing up that people are like that when they visit you.  They notice every imperfections. 

Now that I'm an adult, I know better.  But still, this anxiety of disappointing my visitors remains.  I think this makes them uncomfortable with me, too.

In the Philippines, people are generally hospitable.  Hospitality is good but if it sacrifices your sanity, your family's comfort and bank account, it is detrimental.  I don't think visitors want that, too. 

I seldom have visitors.   Having get together in my house rarely happens.  The main reason is that my house is a disaster.  Benjamin ruined my furnitures, walls and floor.  Also, I have a "no shoe policy" in my home but I am not assertive enough to enforce them at times.  So, I usually end up shampooing the whole house after the party.  It is exhausting just thinking about it...

My New Year's resolution is to learn how to be a graceful host.  I think letting go of  this idea of perfection is the first step....

Turning 3

Someone turned 3 last Friday....  Not an easy age, I heard.