Sunday, February 8, 2009

After Many Springs

Last weekend, we were drawn to visit Des Moines Art Center as the famous painting of Iowa's native Grant Wood (1891-1942) is on display. The painting was titled American Gothic which is owned by Art Institute of Chicago. It is part of exhibition portraying Midwestern Modern Regional Paintings. The exhibition runs from January 30 to March 29. Admission is free. It was my first time to visit the Des Moines Art Center and I was pleasantly surprised by the amount and quality of permanent collections that they have. I am not expecting it for a city the size of Des Moines. Anyway, the paintings, photographs and documentary films on display for the exhibition portrayed life in the Midwestern United States during the Depression. It is eerie due to the fact that we are again in the midst of unprecedented economic crisis. The exhibit continues to be relevant for the present day.
The three painters that I was drawn to were Grant Wood (of course), Thomas Hart Benton, and John Steuart Curry. They were the most influential painters of their time. They are hailed Midwestern Triumvirate of American Regionalism. They were critics of abstract expressionism. I, personally, prefer realism painting because I am impressed by the details of the work.
John Steaurt Curry (1897-1946) Tornado Over Kansas, 1929, oil on canvas
Muskegon Museum of Art

Thomas Hart Benton (1889-1975)

Cradling Wheat, 1938

Saint Louis Art Museum

Grant Wood, The Birthplace of Herbert Hoover, 1931

Des Moines Art Center

Spring Fever

I cannot believe we're already in February. Time seems to go faster when you're older. I am glad, though, that January is over. It was a tough month for me. Aside from 2 car accidents, my job is not going that great for me. I finally broke down and just cried my eyes out to my 2 co-workers then to my supervisor. They are very understanding and supportive. I attributed this heightened emotional instability to fertility drugs and hormones. I was advised to see a counselor. I did that but I continue to feel blah and empty. The counselor encouraged me to join a support group. I would check on that, soon. So, this month, I stopped taking Clomid and I feel like my old self, almost.

I know in my heart that I am not over my grief. It is grief from losing 3 pregnancies in the last 2 years. We tried to put on an I'm-okay-facade but deep inside we are left with this empty hole filled with aches and sorrow. And it does not take much to put me in that mood.

Early March of 2007, I found out I was pregnant. I had morning sickness during that pregnancy. At 12 weeks of that pregnancy, during my check-up, everything was okay. I thought I was safe but at 16 weeks check-up, they could not find any heartbeat. It was devastating to be so close to your wildest dream yet helplessly watching slipped away from you. And we are never the same again.

It is funny how your body plays tricks on you. It's been an abnormally warmer February. Temperature is spring-like and it was spring during my first trimester in that pregnancy and I feel the same thing right now-- morning sickness; and I am pretty sure I am not pregnant. It is just amazing how temperature like sense of smell brings back same old body emotions.

For now, we try to live life the best that we can.