So, today after work and driving my mother to Walmart, Benji and I went to visit her in the nursing home. I was nervous and excited to see her again. When I arrived in her darkened room, the first thing I noticed was that she has not changed. She's probably thinner but she still looks defiant and alert. The sad thing is she does not remember me. I explained to her who I was and my husband. But nothing clicked in her brain. All my excitement drained quickly. She told me that she just wants to sleep. We left her room in a hurry to give her peace. I felt deep sorow as I closed her door.
A tiny tinged of relief also found its way as I trudged the long hallway. I felt guilt not keeping in touch with her. Now, I realized why we drifted apart. She's been tired for a long time. She wants to be left alone.
My father seems to be a daily visitor in my thoughts. I don't dislike the visit. It just makes me sad. Sad that I did not do more to take care of him when he was sick. Sad that our relationship was not ideal. Sad that I cannot take back time to correct my wrong. I constantly think of his sacrifices for us, and his disappointments toward me.
I would like to believe that my father is in a better place. I hope that he knows that I am thinking about him. I cannot light up a candle overnight like they do in the Philippines but I am remembering just the same. Happy All Soul's Day!
P.S. I just want to share this video about a doctor who experienced afterlife while in coma...