give you the finger

I surprised myself many times now. I have a temper. It comes out when I am driving. I thought I was a goody-two-shoes kind of gal. I am not. Far from it.

I was driving home in the east side of Des Moines from seeing my last patient. It was about 4 PM. Traffic is starting to get heavier. So, I was driving south in E 38th when I noticed a blue volkswagen beetle car circa 1980's with loud engine tailing me. We arrived in the intersection of E 38th and Easton and I had to turn left. There was a STOP sign. I waited for several secs to turn left as traffic was heavy and cars were speeding. Then, I heard this engine roared behind me. He cannot wait! It startled me and made me so mad. I cannot stop myself from opening the car window, sticking out my left arm as far up as I can and gave him the finger. He distanced himself from me after that.

I did not feel good at all after that. I shuddered at the reality of me being capable of road rage. I am not a perfect driver either. I used cell phone, looked at my computer, ate lunch even read a map with audiobook in the background while driving. I am an accident waiting to happen. I will try to be careful next time.

today

Today, I went to have my HSG x-ray to check out if my fallopian tubes are blocked. Also, it allows the doctor to see the shape of my uterus. The doctor told me it was fine. No blockage.

The procedure was moderately painful. They dilated the cervix with speculum. a small catheter was inserted then the dye was injected into the catheter. I described it as cramping but also sharp pain. Mahapdi. My eyes were a little teary after that. The procedure was quick. It took about 15 minutes including doffing and donning lower body clothing and hospital gown.

I felt relieved that nothing wrong with my anatomy but I am also saddened that they have not found what is wrong yet.

Infertility

We are not alone. One out of 6 American couple experiences infertility and spend billions of dollar annually in treatment.

We started halfheartedly trying to conceive in the fall of 2005. I have had 3 miscarriages and waited almost a year after the last miscarriage to see a reproductive endocrinologist. The doctor told me that I have polycystic ovary. So, that explained my hirsutism. I thought it just runs in my family. Also, I was checked by my regular gynecologists about this. I gave more than several drops of my blood to be checked for this. I was told twice that everything is within normal limits. Really? So, why I keep losing these babies?

Now, I am coming to the the dreaded age of 30 and 5. It is the cutoff age according to literature of less easier conception. According to statistic that by her mid- to late-30's, a woman's chance of conceiving is 17.5 percent compared to 25 percent in her mid- 20's. If I only knew, I could have tried a little earlier. To hell with building a career and retirement accounts. I am finding myself in a panic mode -- unable to sleep the night before my doctor's appointment; worrying about menstrual cycle; only books I am reading are about infertility. "You have to relax," my husband frequently tells me. Easy for him to say, he can make babies way in his 70's. Not fair! I am in the stage of lusting for baby. I get to have one! He'll try to calm me by saying "You'll be a good mother." Turning my head and looking him in the eye I'll ask "You think so?" He always replies "Yes." This, my readers, always work for me.

together?

This is one of few pictures of me and my hubby - together! Taken in March 2006 by our friend L who was visiting from London. it's in Omaha. We do not have very many pics together because it's just the two of us most of the time. We're both in a shy side and do not ask strangers to take our pictures. So, he will take my pics and I will take his. Lately, though, we are just lazy to do it. It is such a hassle to bring camera. Also, we're both technologically-challenged. It is just easier not to bother with cameras when you're in vacation. Also, we are not photogenic !

Learning curve

Oh, hi. I am just trying to learn to post photos and videos in my blogsite. It is a challenge when you are a novice. So, bear with me.

HELLO

I am apprehensive of starting this blog site. So many doubts in my head. Am I good enough or interesting enough to start this blog? What topics would I write? Do I have time for this? Anyway, this is a leap of faith and getting out of my comfort zone.

My goal is to make this an outlet for my thoughts and adventures. I hope my friends and acquaintances will see a glimpse of my life. Therefore, this is a way of keeping in touch to them...