Sunday, October 9, 2011

I Wish

I wish I could be a better mama for you...

You love your daddy.
You cry when he leaves...
You cry when you wake up and he's not at your side...
You look for him when you don't see him...
You cry for him even when I'm here, trying to console you...

I admit, my feeling is hurt...
My heart breaks when you stand by the door, your face against the glass  door with  fists banging  while  you scream "daddeee."  This happens each morning your daddy has to work.  You're never like that when I leave...

I admit I let you cry and don't give in to your demand for cookies and  skipping nap time...
I admit that there are times I just let you play by yourself when I'm busy with household chores...
I admit that I  force you to eat your veggies and fruits...

I admit, I've been so busy lately...
I admit to bringing my work home because my job can be demanding...and when you want my attention you would close my laptop and tell me "All done."  I think you're a very smart boy!  But then I would go back right away to work  and have your daddy distract you away from me because I have too much in my plate....
I am so sorry!  I promise tomorrow you will have my undivided attention...Did I say that before?  Oh, yeah...

They say this is  just a phase...
You'll grow out of it...
I hope they are right..
Because right now I feel pretty rotten...

3 comments:

kala said...

I hope this phase passes soon too. Friends told me that this usually happens and will pass... so hang in there! And good for you on not giving in to his cookie demands! :) You are a good mommy.

Ed said...

In my experience, their favorite parent keeps changing, especially as they get older, depending on which one is depriving them of that cookie or that favorite movie.

geri said...

I love this photo. I love his baby hair, he reminds me so much of Evan's when he was that age. Evan never really cried (maybe 2 times) when we left him at daycare but I don't think that means he loves us less =) So don't be too hurt by it, it could never really mean anything. I'm sure Benjamin loves you just as much as he loves his dad - he just shows it differently. Hang in there, the separation anxiety is really just a phase.