Sunday, January 11, 2009

Empty Nester

I am so tired. I can feel it in my bones. This weekend had been very busy. We moved my father to an apartment, so, he can be closer to work. After about a year and a half of living together, I am conflicted between feeling of relief and missing him.

Our relationship is not perfect, maybe far from it. We are just two flawed individuals who happened to be related. We never lived together this long since 1979 (that's when I was 5 years old). He worked as a cook in a cargo ship when we were growing up. He was home only about 2 to 3 months a year. I did not really know my father until the time he lived with us. The funny thing is that it is like looking in a mirror. I can see the resemblance in mannerism and character. It is true that an apple never falls too far from its tree. It explains my timidness, painful shyness, occasional indifference and my perpetual need for re-assurance.

I still cannot believe he is not staying with us anymore. Now, we have to prepare our lunch, shovel snow, bring out the garbage and recyclables, fold the laundry, mop the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom and bake bread. I never realized how much help he does for us. I will also miss that every morning, he brought my purse, lap top and lunch bag in my car. He stayed out until we drove away. I am actually beginning to cry.

I know, though, that it is for the best that we live apart. We actually get along better when we don't live together. We have our conflict. I thought it will get better with time but I was wrong. It is much peaceful this way.

I worry about him constantly. Does he have enough food to eat? Is he keeping warm? Is it safe for him to walk to work? It is like having a child! My husband is constantly reminding me that he is a big boy and he could take care of himself.

We visited again this morning. I cut his hair. We assisted him in hanging curtains. We noticed that he seems happier. My mother will be moving in with him in a week and I think he is excited.

I wish all the best to my parents...


joanne said...

Isn't it funny now that we're older, we've returned the worry our parents have for us to worry for them? I constantly tell my dad (retired in the Philippines) to be careful where he goes and not to trust everyone so much. The same advise he told me when I was younger:)

Plus your dad sounds like he's already happy with the situation.

Makis said...

Grabe! I was teary eyed reading this post! It's so true what Joanne says that before they used to worry about us so much & now we worry a lot about them. The good thing is your dad is not too far. So when you begin to miss him, you can see him right away :)

Anonymous said...

Now lang ako ulit naka-visit dito sa blog mo.. Kamiss ka tuloy and nanay and tatay too. Good to get connected with you by reading your posts. Send my "hi! :)" to nanay and tatay!

Im happy to know you're so blessed (inspite of all the not-so-good happenings)! Heee.. :)

You and your family is still included in my prayers.

Hope to hear(read) more of you! Take care! God bless you more!!