Thursday, June 3, 2010

Honeymoon's Over?

Our 10-year wedding anniversary is less than a week away. I wish I could say it is as sweet as the day we'd met. It is not. It is not bitter either. It's just different. No, we haven't grown apart. We are just overwhelmed by LIFE lately. Our arguments are more frequent. Frustration is deeper and more difficult to subside. We talked about counseling but we do not have the time. And who will take care of the baby while we're at it. For now, we just made the pact not to be critical of each other.

I am saddened to learn about the separation of Former VP Al Gore and his wife Tipper after 40 years of marriage. The reason they gave is they've grown apart.

Marriage is such a delicate institution. I was told that the first 5 or 7 years the most difficult. After that, relationship will be stable. I don't believe it anymore. I think every moment is delicate. Unkind words and neglect can ruin it just like that, no matter how long you've been together.

7 comments:

geri said...

Loraine, I remember having a very short fuse when Evan was a baby until toddlerhood. It was probably for me the most trying time in our marriage. I was stressed out and it's hard to connect with your spouse when your time is consumed by taking care of the child and work... so hang in there.

I too was saddened by the news of Al and Tipper Gores separation. My husband suspects that there is more reason to it than growing apart. We'll see...

malor said...

@geri, thanks for the encouragement. i never thought that baby could do that to our marriage. we just got used to just taking care of ourselves and each other for several years. now, we just watch helplessly on how our chores piled up. anyway, i know this is just temporary. i just hope we survive it. we will.

geri said...

Loraine, I could even remember looking at Evan who was 8 weeks old through fatigued eye and questioning whether having a baby was the right thing to do because I felt and feared that Tom and I were disconnecting. But it will get so much better, you'll see - and from our experience, even closer to each other.

Re the chores, I so hear you! Having that never ending clutter can be depressing. That too will get better. There will come a time that Benj will be actually awake and LET you do your thing. Still a lot of cleaning up involved but not as bad when he is a baby =)

Hugs to you mommy, you are doing a great job.

Ed said...

We too had our rough period soon after the birth of our daughter. Having a child, especially later so in life which is the case for all three of us, is a big change when you are used to the way you've been living. But things got better and I feel our relationship is stronger now than it was before our child was born.

Also, I've always felt that marriage was something you must work at to maintain. You can't feel complacent and always need to strive to keep that "dating" feeling alive. That is what I always tell people is the secret to my marriage.

malor said...

@Ed, Amen to that. Thanks for sharing your experience. There is hope for me and my husband.

I think we got use to having all the time in the world and still plan like we still have those time. Our world turned upside down since the baby was born.

PhilippinesPhil said...

No words of encouragement or advice from me. I've been divorced twice and working on getting married to my number three. I was miserable both times and don't regret "escaping." (Tough on the kids though, i regret that for both). 78 to 93 was the first, 97 to 07 was the second. It wasn't kids that messed up my marriages; the first one ended because she was a nutcase, the second one coz she is an out of control gambling spendthrift. Now, I'M the nutcase and we have plenty of money; so, this one is bound to work... or not. Not a Gore fan here; I'll bet she caught him philandering. All that celebrity went to his big ol head. You watch, he'll end up gett'n hitched to some cute lil blonde.

malor said...

@Phil. Thanks for sharing. I think I'm the nutcase in our marriage. I blame it on hormones! It's funny what you said about Gore...ha.ha.