I tell people that I am a better visitor than host. I say that to be funny but it is not a joke.
I think the reason is that I have so much anxiety of trying to be the perfect host which is an unatainable quest. It is rooted from my childhood. My mother is very critical on people. When we visit relatives or friends, she usually criticizes their housekeeping skills. So, I thought growing up that people are like that when they visit you. They notice every imperfections.
Now that I'm an adult, I know better. But still, this anxiety of disappointing my visitors remains. I think this makes them uncomfortable with me, too.
In the Philippines, people are generally hospitable. Hospitality is good but if it sacrifices your sanity, your family's comfort and bank account, it is detrimental. I don't think visitors want that, too.
I seldom have visitors. Having get together in my house rarely happens. The main reason is that my house is a disaster. Benjamin ruined my furnitures, walls and floor. Also, I have a "no shoe policy" in my home but I am not assertive enough to enforce them at times. So, I usually end up shampooing the whole house after the party. It is exhausting just thinking about it...
My New Year's resolution is to learn how to be a graceful host. I think letting go of this idea of perfection is the first step....
5 comments:
It is certainly much easier to be a visitor than a host that is for sure.
I'm not sure I can offer any advice. We don't play hosts very often and when we do, it is mostly to the Filipino community. They of all the people seem less concerned about the condition of your house and more so about the food and other Filipinos. I haven't spent a lot of time worrying about what they think but they keep coming back which is a sign that I must be doing something right.
I guess my advice is to just be you as a host. If they think you were horrid and don't come back, do you really want to be friends with them. True friends will like you for you and not just because you host great parties.
I love both, to be a visitor and a host...of course I choose the person I want to invite, it's easier no hiding, no do's and donts etc! Jologs dapat hahaha !
As long as we have toddlers at home we can have a clean house but not "always" ! It's not in immaculate conditions, there will always be toys on the floor. My youngest is 2 1/2 yrs. old and she does it all the time. My two big kiddos help me to tidy up. I have involved the kids more in cleaning at the age of 3! At that age kids understand, I can count on them, just a little house work will do.
I totally agree with ED, be yourself as a host ;)! You'll know who will stay as your friend !
@Ed, Hi Ed Thanks for a very good advice. The thing is even my in-laws don't visit that much. he, he. Maybe, that's good.
@Haze, I bet you're a good bisita. The thing is my house is always a disaster, he, he. And I just have 1 child...We are slobs...
There will always be the pressure of entertaining whether you're a good host or a good visitor. I focus more on the moments that will be spent together with the guests. Good times always comes from good friends, even with a messy house (some will even help you clean!) & served with delivered pizza. We don't visit or have guests to show the best of our home, but to have some good company.
I bet you're a good visitor, Makis....
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