First about my mother. I haven't seen her for about 3 weeks now. Benji now goes to daycare since March. It's been good so far. My mother is tired of taking care of Benji. I used her for Mondays only but she works evening shifts and sleeps late so she feels tired. My mother is in her second childhood to say it kindly because I believe she has not left her childhood. She stays really late at night because of internet dating. She planned to meet her online English boyfriend in London last April but it did not happened although she had a ticket bought already. She had cold feet 5 days before the trip. She told the boyfriend that she had heart attack (a lie) and this poor guy was unable to get his refund. She also bought a ticket to go back to the Philippine for last March but her oath taking to get her citizenship certificate was postponed a month so she was not able to get her US passport before the trip.
She never calls me unless she needs something. I call her pretty often but I felt so unsatisfied with conversation. We just don't have things to talk about, at least positively. Usual conversations are pretty shallow and she hides a lot of things from me. I am just too tired to care. She treats her children who are here in the US as her enemies and her children in the Philippines as her allies. She causes division. She is not capable of thinking critically or maternally and it is very frustrating.
So much for that. We almost forgot our 13th year of wedding anniversary. It's been 13 years! I cannot believe it. I told my husband,"Enough of this craziness!" He just laughed. I laughed too. Marriage is such a strange thing. Life will never be good without him...
We are definitely going back to the Philippines at the end of August. It is my 1st in 16 years and my husband's first time ever... For him, first time ever out of the country. I am very excited. In a way, I will be a tourist in my own country too. We were too poor to travel when I was young so I haven't been on places that we are planning to go such as Boracay and Villa Escudero. I am busy researching and booking for our hotels and activities. We will only be staying for 7 days but I am really filling it up with activities. My plan is to have a get-together one evening for friends, neighbors, relatives and families. I sent people e-mail regarding their availability and recommendation but no one has responded yet. Oh well, it's just my Americanization of planning ahead that gets me.
I admit I have some anxiety on going back, on dealing with Manila's crime and traffic. I am anticipating some demands from my relatives too. I have an image of us being held hostage or capsized and lost in the sea. My husband insist of doing our will prior to our trip. Yup, we need an Ativan. But the big part of me is just excited. I asked my husband if he's excited, he said it hasn't sunk in yet. Okay "sunk", "sunken", and "sank" are not allowed in our vocabulary until we're done with the trip.
I just want to post a picture that makes me happy and strong....
I just want to post a picture that makes me happy and strong....
3 comments:
Gosh, I've been to the Philippines three times since your last visit! From what I've seen, there are two types of American males that visit the Philippines, the ones with open eyes who embrace the cultural experience and those with closed eyes who only see filth and poverty. I hope your husband falls into the first group.
My mode of traveling in the Philippines is to hire a driver for my stay. Then I don't have to worry about the traffic or being shook down by traffic cops. As far as the crime, it's there but it isn't worth letting it dictate your life. My brother-in-law got robbed on a bus but I've been fortunate. I just carry with me the stuff that I can afford to lose should it be stolen and keep the rest of my stuff back someplace safe. I've had pick pockets tailing me, especially in the large malls of manila so I keep my hand on my spending money at all times. They've yet to take it from me. Good luck with your trip. I hate the long flights but fortunately I am sensitive to any medicine that makes you drowsy so I load up on cough syrup before that long flight across the Pacific and sleep my way across!
Coming home after 16 years could really be scary. What with all the media & news we hear. I've tried to go home every 2 years and everytime I still feel like a tourist! But once I'm there, I also remember how it is to be home.
And I don't think that the crime in the Philippines is much worse than any other country. So be safe and have a good trip and hope you'll bring back good souvenirs!
Like Makis, we try to go home every two years as my families are all there so you see, it's really exciting for me.
I understand your sentiments, it could be terrifying to go home after 16 yrs. because you have spent half of your life in the US. We will feel that we've changed but nobody else has. And sometimes it's difficult to adjust because we already have different lifestyle etc. But it's always nice to go home, to be with families, find old friends, old souvenirs and places.
Well, every countries have good and bad sides, and even the most rich country in the world has its own dark side !
I hope you had a nice vacation back home Malor and tell us the great escapades you have had.
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